The Adventure of Faith: Fathers as Pastors

By Don & Danae Owens

How to Build an Adventurous Family ®

Years ago, I baptized my son Beau. A boy then, now a man. Sometime later, I baptized a young girl named Aubrey, who I suspected even then might someday become part of our family.

In time, she became my daughter-in-law, and in 2021, she and Beau asked me to officiate their wedding.

The year before, in 2020, my daughter and her fiancé asked me the same question: Would I be the officiant at their wedding?

In both cases, I was honroed to be asked and I hoped to be the father they would want to ask. I had attempted to speak into their lives, not with control or intrusion, but with presence and love. Sometimes failing, and yet they allowed me to be their pastor—not just for a ceremony, but in the seasons that shaped them.

Of course, my wife played the same pivotal role or greater, but this is a calling for fathers to lead.

We had the support of many others in building the faith of our children, but as a father I did not want to push the lead role to someone else.  The church is vital to our lives, but we should never expect others to cover our responsibilities.

This kind of fatherhood isn’t automatic. It isn’t a product of biology or a title on a birth certificate. It’s a long permission. A sacred trust earned slowly.

And for any father who desires that kind of role—who wants not only to raise good kids but to shepherd them as they become adults—there is a path. It doesn’t begin with preaching, but with walking beside them.  One of the greatest days of my life was sitting with my son on a dock at Eagle Mountain Lake on April 17, 2006, when he asked Christ into his life.  As a father, there is no greater joy.  To be present, and even more incredible gift. 

Here are a few steps I’ve learned, rooted in Scripture and shaped by the long road of fatherhood.  The road to faith in Jesus and the walk with Him is the greatest adventure a person can ever take. 

1. Start Early: Teach Diligently

“You shall teach them diligently to your children…” — Deuteronomy 6:7

The command from Moses is simple and clear: the father must teach. But notice the method: diligently, daily, deliberately. Not just at church or on Sundays. When you sit, walk, rise, or lie down. In other words, all the time.

Teaching isn’t lecturing. It’s weaving the truth of God into the rhythms of family life. It’s a thousand conversations, quiet prayers at bedtime, wisdom during long drives, and forgiveness modeled in conflict.

This is long work – work that builds deep roots.

2. Be Present and Predictable

“Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” — Ephesians 6:4

You don’t have to be perfect. But you do have to be present. Many men confuse activity with presence. A father might coach every game and still be absent if he never opens his soul or invites his children into his own relationship with God.

Being your child’s pastor means building trust—not just in your authority, but in your humility. It means showing consistency, being the same man on Tuesday morning as you are on Sunday morning. It means they’ll know your weaknesses and that you are working on them. 

Discipline without tenderness breeds resentment. Tenderness without discipline breeds chaos. Instruction needs both.

3. Model Repentance, Not Just Rules

“He must manage his own household well…” — 1 Timothy 3:4

Paul writes this about church leaders, but he anchors the qualification in the home. A man who wants to speak into his children’s lives must first speak into his own with honesty.

Your kids don’t need a perfect father. They need a repentant one.

Say sorry when you mess up. Confess your sins. Let them see what it looks like to return to Christ again and again. Let them see how grace works not just on paper but in your parenting.

That kind of leadership is rare—and unforgettable.

4. Make Spiritual Moments a Family Rhythm

“As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.” — Joshua 24:15

The famous line from Joshua is not a private commitment. It’s a public declaration made on behalf of his family. It’s covenant language, spoken like a man standing at the altar.

Every father must make his house a place where God is welcomed, worshiped, and spoken of—not in religious jargon, but in real conversations. Light candles at dinner. Pray for friends by name. Sing together. Talk about Sunday’s sermon. Open the Bible even if it feels awkward at first.

Sacred habits form sacred hearts.

5. Speak Blessing Over Your Children

“Hear, my son, your father’s instruction…” — Proverbs 1:8

Solomon begins his book of wisdom with a personal appeal: hear me, my son. This is not just a proverb; it’s a father’s voice. A man speaking identity, truth, and calling over his child.

Too many children grow up without ever hearing their father bless them. Not just I love you, but you are called, you are gifted, you are seen by God, and I delight in you.

Don’t wait for the wedding toast. Speak those words now. Speak them often. Speak them until your children believe they are true.

6. Earn Their Permission with Love, Not Control

“For I have chosen him [Abraham], that he may command his children… to keep the way of the Lord…”— Genesis 18:19

God commends Abraham, not just for faith, but for faithful fathering. Abraham wasn’t perfect. He stumbled. But he led. He commanded his household—not with domination, but with direction. And he was chosen to do it.

Fathers are not the ultimate authority; God is. But when children see that your authority flows from love, not ego, they will invite you to speak. They will ask you to bless their marriage. They will ask for counsel in the night. They will let you shepherd them—not because you demanded it, but because you lived it.

7. Accept the Seasons of Silence

There will be seasons when you are not invited in.

A teenager pulls away. A college student questions everything. A married child needs to leave and cleave.

Let them.

And do not panic. Keep loving. Keep praying. Keep showing up. The long permission is not revoked easily—it just goes quiet for a while.

8. Officiate More Than a Ceremony

When I stood before my son and his bride, and again before my daughter and her groom, I didn’t just recite lines from a script. I stood in a role that had been years in the making. The moment was sacred—but it wasn’t separate from everything that had come before.

The way you hug your child after a loss. The way you pray over them at night. The way you confess when you fail. These are acts of pastoring.

The wedding is a public symbol. But the real work is done in the ordinary days. That’s where the long permission is built.

Final Word: Build the Altar Early

You don’t get to choose whether your children will always follow your faith. You don’t get to guarantee their choices, their theology, or their marriages. But you do get to build the opportunity for life of faith and adventure. 

One day, they may ask you to officiate their wedding. Or baptize their child. Or pray with them in crisis.

When that day comes, it won’t be because you were always right. It’ll be because you were always there.

In a world filled with absentee fathers and performative faith, the father who becomes a pastor—quietly, steadily, over time—is rare.

Start early. Stay steady. IN all your actions invite your children into the adventure of a life with Jesus.